Lately I’ve been playing this song All for a lot (this is one of my absolute favorite Latvian bands) in my playlist all over and over again and the more I listen to it, the more I caught myself getting a little bit nervous? (not the right word). Something starts digging into me. Knock, knock, knocking deep down inside of me. And even while doing some ordinary everyday jobs like washing the dishes I catch myself thinking about painting and making my human-bird dolls that I haven’t made for some 5 or 6 years. Some short frame lightnings runs through my head. Ideas.Finally! I’ve been lost this feeling for a way too long time. Or maybe I was just trying to avoid this feeling!?
Coming back to my hometown after 5 years spent in Riga (our capital city), wasn’t easy for me. I had my bachelor degree in the work of arts, than had my little wonder (who is an amazing 5 year old now) and returned to this small city of Latvia in which I live now. No concerts, no performances, no exhibitions (not that kind that I love), no theater or late night sitting in a cafes and talking to strangers…
So, not to miss all those things, I concentrated to becoming a mom, concentrated to what my kid needs and I guess I was putting a part of me somewhere aside. I was trying to enjoy the things this city offers, but sometimes it feels like..run, rabbit, run. But, I guess You cannot run from yourself. Well, at least not for a long.
For now I have my head full of visions of exhibition I want to make. And I just loooove that feeling when your head is full of ideas. Have no idea how to do realize them for now, but at least it is no more “run, rabbit, run”
As I was writing in my previous blog post, I am thinking a lot about the motivation and changes. Not a lifetime changing changes. Not that big. At least, not for the moment. Baby steps first. This morning I woke up pretty stiff after yesterdays workout. That’s a normal thing. But somehow I started to think wouldn’t it be great if I could woke up some 5 minutes earlier and do a little morning workout just to prepare my body for a new day? And wouldn’t it be more amazing, if I could do it together with my little one?
And so we did it. Just some 5 minutes this morning we did some squats, stretching and other exercises. And we really had fun together, because my son could do all of the exercises more easier than me and he loved to count while we were doing squats.
These are just a 5 minutes. Baby steps. But I think that would be a nice morning ritual.
Lately I am thinking much about the motivation. I always have had a head full of thousands of ideas and things I wish to try out. Ideas for paintings, photos, stories, books. Doll making ideas, traveling ideas, ideas of how to change the way my home looks like. Ideas of me being fit (and by that I don’t mean being skinny, ’cause I always have been, but to make my body stronger, healthier), some kind of future vision with me going to a gym and really enjoying it. I have started to do all of these things. But I’m a quitter. It’s hard to admit it, but I am. I always loose the interest or stop doing something when the first difficulties show up, or quit one thing to start something totally new and different. There are so many things that I have started, but the list with things I have finished is way too short.
And so lately I find myself thinking a lot about why I wanna do all those things. What’s my motivation. I always have answered this question differently. But today I have a very short answer – I want to do this because of me. I wanna go to the gym, because I want my body to feel good.Because I like to see the changes those training gives me (even if I am the only one who sees them, because I know me the best). I want to paint, because it makes me feel good (even if no one will ever see my paintings). I wanna sew those toys, because I wan’t my kid and friends kids have something personnel from me, something where I have putted a peace of my heart in. I want to sew, because it calms me and I really enjoy it. I want to learn to cook, dance, sing better and change the color of my kitchen walls because of me.
I want to stop doing things because of others and start to do them just because of me. I guess, it took me more than 10 years to realize it, to find the right motivation to make things happen! So I let the new journey begin!
I have been very lucky to travel around the world time after time since my childhood. My parents always wanted me and my sister to see more, to see something different and expand our horizons. And I am very thankful them that they showed me the beauty of different cultures, different life styles and little piece of how beautiful is our planet.
As my little one is still a little bit too small to travel far away countries, we are trying to travel around our country piece by piece. I think that a lot of people are traveling around the world not even noticing how beautiful and full of interesting places are their own country. So, time after time I will share a little pieces of my attempts to travel around the Latvia.
Today I went to the seaside. Haven’t been there since summer and I missed it a lot. Unfortunately it was raining and very windy, so we could take such a long walk as I wished, but still… The power of nature, silence and feeling of freedom- I managed to catch it. Being near the sea, being deep in forest, walking through the fields with no houses and no people is my way to reload my inner batteries. (Picture taken in Tūja)
Later we went to one of my favorite cities in Latvia- Cēsis. Very beautiful and old city with a lot of old wooden buildings, labyrinths of small streets and a castle of course. I am an absolute lover of old houses, paved streets and other things reminding of ancient times.
Sometimes you don’t need much to have a dose of inspiration for the rest of the week.
This weekend I went to my family house to brought some things (since I moved into my new home-place I have part of my stuff still left in my previous home where I used to live since my childhood). I found two necklaces of my grandmothers youthful times. One made of glass and the second one made of very small seashells. And several brooches witch belonged to my grandmothers mother. I have always found those things as a big treasure because that is what’s left for the future. Those are the things filled with stories and memories.
So I started to think- what’s going to be left for the future for my kid? I am trying to give him more than just the things made in factories in thousands of exemplars. I am trying to give him and show how beautiful, unique and valuable are things made by craftsman. Things that are made by someone’s hands not machines in a factory. So step by step I am trying to fill my home with ceramics and wooden things. Things that are going to be left for the future for my family.
My kid already loves… I believe there is no direct word for that in English. In Latvian we call it “svilpavnieks” (a small whistle in a form of bird that is made of clay). I hope that one day I will have a quite big collection of them. And I hope that my little man will find those things as much valuable as I find them.
The first green grass, first blooming snowdrops and that moment when you can physically smell the spring in the air. And of course that first day when you throw your
winter boots into the wardrobe, wear shoes and walking is so light that it feels like you are really walking couple inches above the ground.
As here, in Latvia, we still have to wait for this moment a little bit, I’m trying to bring a little bit of green and colors in my home myself. Have you ever tried to make the buds open in your home? This is one of my spring traditions since childhood.
Usually I try it with branches of bird-cherry or birch. This year I’m trying it with lilac, apple-tree and brunches of a plant that I don’t even know the name of, but they are growing in my mothers garden and blooms with small pink flowers. Will see how it goes this spring.
Making buds to open and flowers to bloom is my way to bring the feeling of spring in home earlier. How do you do that? Please leave a comment.